14.12.04 -

i have been thinking alotss.i reali want to say what i have been hiding in my heart.seriously i have no confidence in our squad.i guess no one dared to say.but i am saying it now.i am reali tired at times,i had to hang on and hang on fer the sake of Ahsjab and i kept hanging on to e belief tad squad4*05 will return be alive.will it reli happeN?i dunno.i mean ever since we became NCOs,i am reli tired.i tried my best to do my best fer ahsjab and our squad.i mean i inform u all the training dates.and u all promise to cum and later u all din.u know how hurt and upset i wad?i guess u all dunno.i just wan u all to cum and face everything together as a squad man.i feel like breaking down at times.btu do u all even care?u all just do wad u wan?and even my good fren who used to say wad we muz work hard and get into com team when NCOs.but now wad r u doing?i trusted u time and time again.u took my trust fer granted.i reli dunno wad to say.during farewell, i tried my best to choreo dance steps and give my best in help.i know at times i cant help much but i reli tried?i am sorrie to those tad i din give my help when u all need it?but i learn and memo hard the steps and teach the rest.but u all just din wan to dance and just wan to slack.wad r my efforts fer?i mean u all just need to come and learn nothing else.i dun need u all to be perfect but just learn and perform as a whole squad.i reli feel tired reli tired.no matter how hard i do,u all still think tad is useless.i am not impt to any of u i guess.u all can do wad u all wan.u all may think u all cum and its liek doing nothing and waste time.but at least u all make e effort to cum and at least we are as one now?have u all reli thought and feel fer the rest of the squad ppl who have been doing their best in giving fer ahsjab?do u all love us and wan as as frens and squad-mates.i have been waiting so long fer u all to realise how tough it is fer us to hang on here.at least when tad dae cum,i can tell myself everything is worth it.but seems like u all just do wad u all wish.pls think twice u guys.i am not giving up yet.i dun wana to.....and fer those who thinks tad u cant cope becuz u all got something else.and u wanna quit SJ.i think u are selfish.i mean u think fer yaself onli.but i respect ya decision.i dun think we expect much from u too.if u need help we'll be there and we dun ask u cum fer trainings too.how does SJ affects your performance.i dunno wad.u are using SJ as an excuse?i dunno.u;re not like tad.why did u change so much?i am reli hving secodn thoughts le........
as fer council, i am reli sorry to my committee and esp welfare.i promise to balance both sides well and do my best.i know i have been neglecting council but i will learn to manage my time well de.dui bu qi welfare.we can do it de.i believe tad welfare can return to where it is in e past.welfare go!we can do it de!*tk caresss everyone
right here waiting_pls prove to me its worth it_*

11:16:00 PM

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finally.farewell over le.i mean it was quite okie bahx.and the prezzies fer our heads are not too bad bahx.quite meaningful bahx.hmm.felt sick ydae liao.luckily was not very bahx.at e point during farewell i was reli feeling v.hot and head v.pain but i just hang on man.haixx.now still a bit pain lo.sleeping soon le cuz tml gotta orientation rehearsal lo.yupps.feeling very tired todae.just read finish all e messages sec4s wrote fer me man.so touching.esp brynner de.i reli love him alotss.and its alotss.he has always been supporting me no matter wad and he will always be dere to help me if i shld need help.i mean its like i reali enjoy being with him and he reli brings lots of happiness laughter to ppl arnd him and he will also comfort u when u r down.everytime my letter is special de.i like it man*.makes me feel so unique and like i am e onli one.crap man.hahax.but i realli wan to thanx brynner,he is reli a big and major support without him i wun be who i am now.i owe my success to him.and he is a great leader,who knows how to work and play.he is wonderful.though he may says tad he is not perfect but at least i think he is?yupps.and he is understanding.he knows i am committed to ahsjAb.and he told me to jiayouss.i feel like crying at times but it seems tad tears just wun come out lo.and when the video clip was played.though i may seem to talk kok.but those were my real and true feelings and no script at all!just words from my heart.hmmph.love tiff and brynner loads man.i am reli very sad to see u all leaving.sumtimes i just hope tad u all can lead us.and not me leading the rest.haixx.miss ya man*_i also would like to thanx all my advisors.their were invaluable as well!june,zuhao.mei Qi and Ying Huan.reli big thanx to u all*
Tk caress everyone man!
Love is all bout you and me*as long as u love me and i love u its enough,nothing else matters__i am contented to have ye heart with me_

1:42:00 AM
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