15.12.04 -

its just another tiring dae.had AA training todae.was a happy and valuable one.budden in e end i was feeling very upset and moody now.dunch know why.just feeling so sianx-ed.i am afraid i carn hold out any longer le.i am still trying to hang on.i guess i can do it bahx.training my own team and being trained is not tad easie.its realli tough man.aniwae i also have not been doing much in training others.just like a wild cat or dog?going arnd seeing anybody wan to shou liu wo lo.yarr.or e most i stay in my team and pei samuel to be our "senior casualties"?hehe.feeling abit betta now becuz vent out all my feelings.but seriously both sam and i feel tad being in trainings basically r quite fei larh.i mean we realli nothing to do loh.just sit and rot at times.maybe we NCOs r not trusted enough bahx.tads why this sorta of thing happen lo.we just hang on and hang on.?nothing much we can do also.i mean even we like din reali scold got cadets say we too fierce.wad a joke?i mean yarrr.its like haixx.i dunno.but fer the sake of my squad i shal hang on.fer the few worthy ppl too.i try to do wad i can.its reli not easy.i think at times i just bottle too many things in my heart.and each post makes me feel much much betta.being a sq IC is not easie at all.being a HP head is not easie.being a welfare-vice-chair not easie too.i dun even have time fer my mum.sumtimes i just see her waiting fer me till she fell asleep and the lights still on?and she wan to go on holidae with me and i told her i cant.she was upset.but i was upset too.i mean i reli cant go.but in e other hand,i ask myself is it worth it all?i dunno.i dun wan to know too*
truth is wad hurts the most_
the know in my heart will nva be untied*

10:47:00 PM
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